he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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