you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize