That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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