You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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