I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
