Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
id be glad to
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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