his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
