Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
