Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dick very happy bro
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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