i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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