Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
