What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
