Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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