Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
