He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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