he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
