I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
