You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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