I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize