so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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