Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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