If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
They have beer where we have blood.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
