Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
