This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
