I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
