i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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