her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
