I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Randomize
