i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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