i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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