Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
