she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
