when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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