Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
