She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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