i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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