If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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