I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
