Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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