If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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