We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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