We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
