tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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