Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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