So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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