so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
