i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
