eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
