he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
