Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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