im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
