look no pants
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
