Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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