the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
