i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
