Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
