I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
