I hope my margaritas pass through security.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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