My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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