Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
