why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
