Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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