after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
pop tarts are not kleenex
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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