I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
