If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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