I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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