I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
