If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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