mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
