I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
