He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
