I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
