these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize