Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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