he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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