well I can't set my house on fire every night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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