I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize