I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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