I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
