I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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