I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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