You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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