just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
