it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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