So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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